Twitter hackers had some fun trying to make us believe that Britney Spears was actually crazy enough to post, “Hi Ya’ll! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth.” Fake? Yes. Fucking hilarious? Absolutely.

Aerosmith is ready to record originals for the first time since 2001. Who the hell cares?

Kelly Clarkson really wants to be Katy Perry.

It’s good to be back, although I did have a fantastic time in Isla Mujeres, Mexico for the past week. My system is ready for a long detox.

I do have some thoughts on Mexico and music, but first let me explain how wicked awesome my New Year’s Eve was.

Upon arriving in the town square 8 mojitos deep and struggling to stand, I was promptly greeted by the New Year’s countdown (in Spanish of course). It was hard enough trying to count backwards in Spanish, but adding to my confusion was the fact that the clock in town still read four minutes to midnight. I’m still not entirely convinced that the fireworks actually started exploding at midnight.

I quickly didn’t care once the “Feliz Ano 2009″ wheel of death began spinning on the roof of city hall. It was one dangerous spinning wheel of fireworks…that promptly stopped spinning. Leading one brave Mexican to spin it by hand, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  Truly a man that either loves his New Year’s celebration, or had a shit job.

At this point, some freaky salsa/rap fusion band started kicking it on stage. I can’t tell you their name, or any of their songs. I am the worst type of tourist- the one that doesn’t speak any of the language of the country he’s in. However, I was piss drunk and the music was infectiously rhythmic (like most of the music you hear in Mexico), leading to some dance moves I’m glad I don’t remember.

Later in the night, I would journey to a bar that was filled with techno music, which I can’t stand. The worst was one eight minute long song with the only lyrics being “You God damn fucking bitch” over and over again. From my brief experience, I would be forced to say that Mexicans love techno as much as tacos.

The bar would redeem itself the next night with an excellent reggae band, while I had no idea what revolution these guys were touting (the songs were in Spanish), the feeling for a huge joint while listening is universal.

To conclude, after several tequilas Mexico sounds damn good.

How about a half-smashed guitar held together by duct tape?

Granted, the guitar belonged to Kurt Cobain, and it’s signed by him. Plus, it was smashed on stage during Nirvana’s first U.S. tour.

Sure, it probably looks kick-ass on some rich guy’s wall and $100,000 is probably about eight times as much as Cobain paid for it originally.

With $100,000, you could probably find out who actually killed Kurt Cobain. You could even get Courtney Love to sleep with you (not that you would ever, ever want to.)

Still, a smashed guitar is a hell of a lot cooler than the Nirvana poster on your wall. It’s also a lot better holiday gift than those crap demo-filled Nirvana box sets Courtney Love keeps releasing to fuel her crack habit.

Tim McGraw continues to build his hip-hop street cred, reportedly working on a project with T-Pain. McGraw has also apparently worked with Chris Brown on the singer’s upcoming album, and of course there’s the song he did with Nelly. Country and hip-hop? Why the hell not? After all, it worked with rock.

U2 is hoping to be recession proof with their next album No Line On The Horizon. The album is being released in March in five different editions, the most expensive being $96. Did Bono forget how to count again?

Beyonce released her video for “Diva” today. Begging the question “Is A Diva really a ‘female version of a hustler?’” As well as, “Who needs tassels  on sunglasses?” (right)

Don't even think about "O Christmas Tree"

against Jesus. I like getting presents, giving presents, Christmas trees, egg nog and Christmas cookies.

There’s only one thing about the holiday I can’t stand- Christmas music. “Silent Night” makes me want to lay a holly, jolly yule log. I want to punch carolers in the mouth.

The first problem I have with Christmas music is that by the time Christmas actually happens, you’ve heard every classic enough to drive you half insane. You undoubtedly have a relative that plays Christmas songs at every excuse starting the day after Thanksgiving. There’s also probably a radio station in your town that’s been playing only Christmas songs since Thanksgiving. A month of sentimental songs is simply just too much to handle.

Christmas music also sets us up with bullshit expectations of things like a “White Christmas.” As far as I know, there’s not often a White Christmas in Miami or Mexico. How do we compensate for not having all the things that Christmas songs think we should? We double the amount of Christmas music to live vicariously through the songs, instead of just being satisfied with what we have.

Finally, and most importantly, there’s nobody writing any new Christmas songs. Sure, some artists will record a Christmas original, but these songs rarely amount to anything more than a cute, holiday gimmick. Most of the time, you get a plethora of artists (like Weezer this year) that record covers of their favorite Christmas songs. This is how we’ve ended up having to hear Tony Bennett’s re-animated corpse sing “Winter Wonderland” again and again.

So no, I don’t hate Christmas. I just wish someone would step up to the plate and give us some new holiday songs, because I’m over the old ones.

According to a group of scientists, head-banging could actually cause brain damage.

“If you observe people after concerts they clearly look dazed, confused and incoherent, so something must be going on, and we wanted to look into it.” Said one Aussie researcher.

Clearly, all these problems must be from head-banging. Oh wait, a cocktail or 12 mixed with a few choice substances will give you the same problems…as will having to attend a Britney Spears concert. Apparently nobody told these researchers about the long history between drugs and rock.

Still, the researchers warn that head-banging at an angle greater than 75 degrees can cause damage.  So, make sure you bring your protractor to the next Cannibal Corpse show you catch and keep an eye open for dangerous head-bangers.

Folie A Deux is a polished, super pop-friendly album. It’s a long way from the band’s Take This To Your Grave that broke them out in the emo scene. While Take This To Your Grave was full of guitar driven, punk inspired songs, Folie A Deux makes use of catchy pop beats and just enough rock to make it easily accessible for pop radio. Just take a listen to the band’s new single “I Don’t Care” (below) and you can feel how pop-friendly the band has become.

I know that punk purists will balk at the notion of Fall Out Boy being originally inspired by the genre. Frankly, hardcore punk fans hate emo fans. Meanwhile, the skinheads just hate everyone. Like it or not, you can hear the influence of punk in the band’s early work.

Of course, even before Fall Out Boy’s massive MTV success, you could still think of the band as a boy-band. The band attracted a legion of teenage fans, thanks to angst filled lyrics and catchy guitar hooks. Even then it was catchy, and chances are if you were old enough to drink a beer at one of the band’s shows you were either a pedophile or watching out for your 14 year old kids.

With Folie A Deux, Fall Out Boy is now armed with an even catchier sound and the same angst-ridden lyrics. To me, it would seem that they would attract an even bigger, more mainstream audience of teenage girls than ever before, creating a boy-band type hysteria. It also can’t hurt that the girls might think Pete Wentz can give them tips on wearing eye liner.

It’s a dangerous situation. We’ve traded dancing for guitars.

Akon plead guilty to harassment charges in the bizarre case of throwing a fan from the stage during one of his 2007 concerts. Remember this if you’re ever at one of his shows: NOBODY shares the stage with Akon.

Metallica will release a Guitar Hero game in 2009. Supposedly, the game will include classics like “Enter Sandman,” “Master Of Puppets” and “Fuel.” No matter how fast you can mash those little colored buttons, it still doesn’t make you Kirk Hammett. I miss the days where we were content with listening to music and going to shows, and a few of us learned to play the songs on a real guitar.

NOFX will celebrate 25 years of crappy punk rock and crappy live shows with, well…three live shows in February featuring current and past members of the band. The band is now a good decade older than the average Warped Tour ticket holder.